At one point because I'm so visual my new crayola window crayons (these rock by the way) were put to use writing a big list out on our bathroom mirror. I think there were 10 or so names on the list at this point which made fixing my hair a bit tedious looking through the blue cursive. Over the next several months I crossed off names, circled names, starred names, circled and starred names. And throughout this process I told Bryan to let me know if there was anything he wanted to add, to let me know if I crossed off ones he still liked or starred ones he didn't. There were about three names that remained possibilities out of all of these for various reasons, but one in particular kept grabbing at my heartstrings.
I fell in love with this particular name for many reasons. I loved that it was sweet yet strong, meant "fair or red headed hero," that it was not a commonly heard name, that it sounded so endearing out of the mouths of our baby's brothers, and so on. At this point Bryan hadn't felt strongly, rather indifferent actually to any of the names on our list. This naming process was getting stressful. I began praying about direction and guidance in our decision and the very next day when I opened one particular baby name book I found the Bible verse listed below this name was Psalm 27:1, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" God had spoken to me when we were beginning to explore the idea of bringing a third child into our family with these simple words "Do not fear," and I still think even now that at this point in our baby naming journey His answer for me was to name our baby the name that had already begun attaching itself to my heart. I kept bringing up this name to Bryan, sharing the many reasons I loved it and thought because of our journey it was perfect. At one point he was beginning to head in that direction too which I of course thought he would because I loved it so much, but truly he felt that it just wasn't right, it just didn't take hold like our other boys names had.
This was hard for me, because like I said I thought this name was God's answer to me, but was this name God's answer for us? "For us" became my focus. I realized I had stepped into another journey that God placed me in to stretch me, to cause me to come back to him for more. To not just stop at what would be the answer for me, but to search for what God had planned for US. I had noticed that Bryan was having a hard time even talking about possible names, that none of them had really grabbed his heart, that he was becoming stressed that he was feeling indifferent and like me wanted to start calling our baby by name. We decided just to take a break from it, from the beginning of strife it was causing, and reconvene in a month or so after seeking peace and direction. Over that time I prayed and prayed that God would easily reveal to us what our babies name should be. Easy was not his answer, but instead to wait, to persevere. His answer for now was wait and seek to be one with my husband.
I didn't yet know if that meant Bryan would all of the sudden fall in love with the name I had chosen but I did know that God wanted me to put being one with him first and every time I pulled back and selfishly retreated to my love for that one name, God found a way to pull me close to Him and remind me that I asked to be shown wisdom in this decision, that he gave it to me, and that I was to obey him. My heart felt so good being exercised like this.
About a week or so later out of the blue, Bryan mentioned a name that we had never put on a list, never even said out loud, never contemplated. We both kind of froze looking at each other when he spoke the name and to be honest I realized even at that moment, it was our answer, the sweet name we would forever call our third child. I wish at that moment my heart would have been ready to accept it, but I just wasn't there yet in letting go of the other. We even set aside a date night I looked forward to a week from then that I designated as "Baby Name Date Night," when my parents were keeping the kids for a night and when we would I just knew it decide for sure that's what we were going to name him. Well, from the pressure I put on myself to have that be THE night combined with the end of pregnancy hormonal invasions that were producing a whole pregnancies worth of waterworks that day it just didn't happen. I was disappointed in myself ( a secondary emotion B would say) for holding on so tightly to that name and realized I needed to pray for God to change my heart's desire if that was his will to match with Bryan's because more than anything I wanted not to please him by choosing the name he was falling in love with, but to share the oneness we've always had in deciding on our baby names.
Bryan was so patient and sweet to me understanding that I just needed a little more time and told me he'd be praying about the decision too. It felt so good to know that my man could look past the ever so ugly alien invasion moment I was having, to know I was married to a man that seeks God's wisdom in our decisions, and to love me for the very not perfect person I am. We know Bryan's head doesn't need to get any bigger (ha ha) and I'm not saying he's a saint, but man did God do a good job in matching his not perfect self with my not perfect self. I feel it's a perfect compliment.
The next Saturday after putting away some baby laundry in the nursery I took a seat in the glider and soaked in the goodness of what the nursery symbolized, that we were about to bring home a third healthy amazing little fellow to love. Bryan found his way in there and was surprised and probably a bit afraid (warning: possible alien invasion moment about to occur) when I suggested that we talk about our baby's name. I told him that over the last week I felt such a strong pulling to our new name, that if we chose the name I had loved that I would actually be disappointed to not get to use this name for our baby. He said that he had felt an increased love for this new name too, that it just felt right, that he could picture our baby, our little boy, our future man child being called this all the days of his life. A peace filled my heart and I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth for they did not seem like mine, but oh did it feel good to say that beautiful name out loud and know it was the name that was my new heart's desire. God had released the other and put in its place something even more beautiful that symbolized the oneness of Bryan and I.
Owen Wyatt Reece
we can't wait to meet you!
Colin was the first to wander into the nursery looking for us. He climbed into the glider and we told him that his new baby brother would be named Owen. Without hesitation he gave the chair a gentle little nudge and while rocking sang in a sweet little voice over and over again, Owen, Owen, Owey, Owey, Owen. Being the social fellow Jackson is, he of course made his way to where his people were. We announced to him, the biggest brother, that we finally decided on the name with which he responded, "Owen...well that's just perfect!"
If you were wondering, the middle name was decided very easily and very early on. Jackson was named Jackson ANGLE after my dad and in keeping with tradition of using the mamas maiden name for the middle name, Colin was named Colin MICHAEL after Bryan's dad, all the boys hold the same last name, Reece, of Bryan's paternal grandfather so it seemed very fitting to name our third boy after Bryan's maternal grandfather, Howard Wyatt Cargill. So Wyatt it was.
Did you know that Owen means "Mighty Warrior"? and that the Bible verse listed with his name is:
Give unto the Lord, O ye mighty, give unto the Lord glory and strength.
Psalm 29:1
I feel mighty. I really do. That I persevered through this process, that I seeked God and persevered even in what I had considered at first to almost be too small of a trial to go to Him with, but I did and I am so thankful for the glory it has brought Him and the strength it has brought to our marriage. Every time I say our baby's name, I feel giddy, and just can't help from smiling from the inside out.
It's not going to be too long before we meet our sweet Owen Wyatt. Oh I can't wait to get to know him!
1 comment:
I am happy for you all! It is both a weighty responsibility to give a child a name and also a wonderful gift parents have been blessed with. Congratulations! Owen is going to fit in perfectly with your little family
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