A New Blessing

Bryan and I felt strongly that God placed it on our hearts to bring a third baby into our family in some way.  When I questioned God on this, doubting if I could handle going through the process again, of the potential heartache and hard work it would bring He clearly told me "Don't be afraid."  Of course, He had my future in his hands.  What did we have to fear that He couldn't cover for us?  Absolutely Nothing, so we acted on His calling and when it became a healthy time in my recovery from a c section to become pregnant we did nothing to prevent it.  In July we were surprised with a pregnancy that sadly did not develop into a healthy baby.  God spared my heart this time of a lengthy period of waiting not knowing if everything would be ok to only find out that it wasn't.  The emotional roller coaster that I had been so fearful of riding again.  And though this loss brought a sadness and discouraged us, we soon knew that our plan hadn't changed and that God had big plans for us in bringing a third child into our family somehow.  Not sure if conceiving naturally was to be a part of that plan we explored options with a fertility Dr. to decide whether my miscarriage risks could be decreased to a level we were comfortable trying or whether we needed to start the adoption process.  Our plan was to try until Christmas with the Dr.'s mild medication regiment she had me on.  I told Bryan just days before our positive pregnancy I felt strongly that our baby was in arms reach, that we would be getting a clear answer soon as how to move forward with our family.  And we did.


Finding out so early at only 3.5 weeks pregnant was hard.  Each appointment gave us reassurance that our baby was developing in a healthy way but I'll be honest I remained a bit nervous.  I was hopeful, I was positive, but only because I kept choosing to give my worries to God. 

Yesterday marked a very monumental step in this pregnancy when the fertility specialist released me from her care.  At 10.5 weeks along my baby is growing beautifully.  What an incredible view I saw of my little one kicking and flipping around.  He/she has an incredibly strong heartbeat and is measuring even a day ahead of schedule.  My due date is August 4th so I'm sure we'll be meeting our new family member in late July. 

Yesterday was also monumental because we had waited until the final scan from this Dr. to make sure everything was ok before telling Jackson.  Colin already heard the good news from me (because the secret was killing me) and has been giving our baby little secret kisses, but we wanted to protect Jackson a bit longer since he is old enough to internalize the heartache from a possible loss.  It has been very hard to wait though, because he has been praying many months now for God to send us another baby.  We had to explain many times that God answers prayers in three ways.  Yes. No. or Wait.  So he was waiting hopefully and about a month ago started insisting that I was pregnant and it killed me not to be able to tell him but I knew it was the best choice.  As I was helping him with his shoes one day, he pointed excitedly to my belly and said "Yes! A Baby! Woo hoo!"  Again at my parents house over Christmas he lifted up my shirt at the dinner table and said " I told you mama, it's getting bigger every day.  There's a baby in there!  Wiggle wiggle jiggle baby (as he shook my belly)!  And as my belly really did start growing (I'll have to post a belly shot soon) he has been hopefully asking only to hear us say, let's wait and see.  Last night when we told him his assumptions were right and showed him the ultrasound picture of his new sibling the sweetest smile slowly took form on his face and has not left since when he looks at me.  He is so excited and loves that God answered his prayer with a yes finally.  Jackson has already asked me countless questions about the baby and has given me much advice about what I need to do to keep the baby safe.  Pregnant ladies did you know that you need to chew your food really good before you swallow so your baby doesn't choke?  I truly could do a whole post on his advice.  Tonight as I put him to bed he gently stroked my cheek and told me to "sleep really good mama, so our baby can grow strong and sleep good too."  This is going to be so cool sharing this pregnancy with my two sweet boys.  The two greatest brothers a baby could ever have.

Well as you can tell, our family is elated by this joyous news.  We have been given this amazing blessing of bringing a new baby in our lives.  I'm going to be a mother of 3...Wow!

And I'm so excited that life has slowed down a bit to start blogging again, so more to come!